An oldie

During my forced slumber
I meet my dear.
Alone and afraid.

In the aftermath
I hold her in my arms,
On an end bound train.

She smiles,
Knowing she is mine,
As I am her’s.

Her red dress entices,
Her warmth welcomes me in,
The cold of this hell falls away.

The train screeches to a halt
At the ghastly demon gate,
Hungry, We look for a meal.

A search to no avail.
As the weeks pass,
Perfection peels and pales.

The gaunt face of my love,
That unfed life of mine,
It drives me mad.

The demons laugh as lives end,
As the platform is cleared of all.
I wipe away any traces.

From the wreckage,
The whorehouse of slaughter,
We feed.

I watch her live
As she feeds on the dead.
I eat only when she fills.

Once again my love, My sweetness,
She kisses me with chapped lips.
I taste the blood of our prey.

The metallic taste remains,
As we lie in cold red puddles.
She shivers, and i hold her close.

Alone, We eat as we need,
Keeping the Wendingo at bay.
Awaiting the next train.

Coagulated blood stinks,
The maggots infect our meat,
Still we continue to gnaw on bone.

Our solitude is broken by a beast,
What used to be a woman.
Feeding on our rotting prey.

She scowls at us that there is plenty.
We eat as she gorges.
Her belly fat with human meat.

Flesh is ripped from bone,
Skeletons are shredded,
As she devours innards.

I cast her a look of disdain,
Holding my love near.
We make eye contact, fear.

“Judge me if you will,”
The she-beast scowled.
“You’ve fed too, the Wendingo will be around.”

I smile as I pull my love towards the train,
“We fed to live,
You die to feed”

As the train departs into darkness
My alarm tears me away from my love
And my joy dies into the mundane

To E from P

Why do you sit upon my throne?
Brooding over a love forced, or on the consequences of your gift?
Come and be my brother,
your tribute was planned.

Look me in my eye,
I know your pain.
A god of fertility
With only a boar to ride.
It’s better than keeping up with birds!

Look around, Ing, and see your renown!
Your sickle is as mighty as my spear.
You are loved, and will be remembered.
Your mound will be blessed.
I’ll be proud to die alongside you.

My friend, I will wander
As I have always done.
You’re place is here.
As I am a warrior poet,
You are a beacon of hope.

I never thought a Vanir could be less vain.
Be proud! For you know who you are!
Be honored as the king you were!
Though we are not eternal,
Our names will live on.

March Snow/Militant

A militant mind in a peaceful place,
It is a pity to waste such a scene.
With such a chaotic haste,
Watching the silence,
Hearing the still,
Knowing I was meant to kill.
My hand hurting,
Heart yearning
I lay my head to my chest.
I pray to god, so far above
‘Please give me some rest.”
Begging, pleading, I do not feel a change.
But I’m sure there is something he can arrange.
Pulpit seat bruising, I leave
Covered in painful sweat,
I walk in the cold,
Lighting my cigarette.

Bumpty Bump, My Life for you

Lilies, lilies everywhere, but not a rose in sight. It looks across the field of humans and sees not a single red angel. The lilies all are quite beautiful, and the stingers extend all around them, everywhere they walk, they are followed by the stingers. Too many stingers.

Its stinger follows, but not its cardiac muscle. It is looking for a rose. A single, beautiful rose.

            Years and years it looks for this rose, years and years it searches. It finds some tulips, and it mistakes them for roses in a moment of lust, then it will realize they are nothing but tulips.

            Every once in a while a tricky carnation will imitate a rose, and attract its cardiac muscle, but then it sees the red dye, and flies away. Carnations are trouble, they change color.

            The beauty of a rose is rarely found, and needs to be cherished when one is found. It looks more and more for one, and no matter how hard, nothing but the stinger is attracted.

            One day, while it was walking alone, ignoring most of the flowers, it notices something red out of the corner of its eye. Carefully, it looks at the red flower. This one looks like a rose. It really does.

            It gets closer and closer to the flower. It inspects it carefully, hoping to not find any dye, it doesn’t.

            It admires the beautiful rose, joyful that all its searching is finished and its hopes have been fulfilled. Then something moves. Something inside the flower moves. It watches its love intensely. Someone crawls out of the flower.

            This intruder flies over to it. He sniffs, and it sniffs back. He likes it. His pheromones are kind, and it begins to see him as a friend.

            We travel away together, away from the flower, but not before he lets the flower know he will soon return. It has a slight burning pain in its stinger.

            The flower smiles.

            We spend the day flying above the town. We observe the lilies, and it watches him turn away in disgust. It cannot blame him when he has a rose of his own. The pain in its stinger grows hotter.

            As the day draws to a close, we return to the flower. As we get close, it smells the love pheromones being released. It begins to feel sick.

            He goes back to his rose, and craws gently inside her. There he sleeps. It flies away with its stinger hurting.

            The next couple of days are spent with him and it. We become good friends, as long as she isn’t on either of our minds. As soon as she pops into his mind, it smells the love pheromones, and fights back the hate pheromones of its own.

            One day, he leaves to go gather honey, and it can hold back no longer from being around her. It walks around the rose gently. The rose notices it and smiles.

            An exchange of simple pheromones takes place, and it loves the rose more and more with every sniff. It slowly releases more and more complex pheromones, showing off to the rose. The rose laughs and smiles. Its cardiac muscle burns.

            It has fought back the urge for so long, it cannot go any longer without doing this. It releases the love pheromones to the rose. She smells. A look of concern crosses her face. She smells again. Her face becomes overcome with a look of shock, and it smells the apologetic pheromones.

            This is when he returns. He returns, releasing his love pheromones, which mix with its love pheromones, and her apologetic pheromones, to create a foul smell. His face changes from happy to furious immediately.

            The rose looks scared, and releases pheromones asking her lover to settle down, saying that it was a mistake. It releases its own apologetic pheromones, even though it feels it should not have to.

            He would not smell any of it, and it saw his stinger protrude out from his thorax. It was trying to be peaceful, and did not want to fight its friend.

            Then it smelt the love pheromones the flower released. These were intended for him, but it smelt them as a battle cry. It imagined its friend’s foul stinger rubbing against the rose night after night, and felt a burning flame overtake its stinger. Its cardiac muscle beat hard for both love and war.

            It pushed its stinger slowly out from its thorax at the same time as it released the war pheromones. The rose looked terrified.

            He lunged at it first. It dodged well. It had seen its fair share of fights. It spun around and was prepared to dodge the next attack. He charged at it again, and aimed to put his poison into its cardiac muscle.

            It maneuvered so perfectly that it was able to sink its stinger into him. He wiggled and fought to get free, and managed to rip out its stinger. He fell to the grass and writhed before curling up and dying.

            It was hurt and crying. It had killed its best friend and was doomed to die itself. It went to the only possible source of comfort it could find, the rose it had just murdered for. It couldn’t smell anything as it crawled near. It had probably already lost too much blood. Its cardiac muscle was having trouble beating.

            It crawled weakly up the stem of the rose. Halfway up, it felt a sharp pain in its abdomen, and fell to the ground with the rose’s thorn lodged into its cardiac muscle.

            A tear rolled down its face as it allowed its spirit to blow away.     Image

Rewatching the Stand

Joan Cornella is one of my heroes.
Joan Cornella is one of my heroes.

Remembering childhood,
While lying next to the woman who haunts my dreams.
Anxiety pervades this otherwise beautiful moment.

Though she sleeps,
My childhood habits return.
I rub her shirt between two fingers.

I remember once, as a child.
The anxiety pierced
as my nightmare plagued mother cried, ‘Help’

I remember I took her drowsy hand,
And pretended to run in that sickly bed.
As if my chubby, kicking legs could save her from her demons.

As this beauty squirms in my arm,
I know I won’t run with her,
But stand for her.

Pleasant Thoughts are Unhealthy

Not my normal style, but I think this soliloquy turned out pretty well… 

I knew that getting this chump to believe that it had been a busy couple of days would be harder than getting the itch from under my sock. I had to be smooth as a bottle of cough syrup smuggled out of Walmart. I had to be quick as a whippet.

I didn’t have time for it though. I had pills to pop and adult alternative to blast. I had memories of wrongs to replay. The night was long enough without this sad pup biting at my ankles.

Playing it off nonchalantly, I excused myself under the guise of writing. Easy as that, he was gone. Maybe he was easy to get rid of than this fucking itch. I think I’m starting to scratch myself raw.

‘Blood’s cheap though, it’ll be back. CSF would be an entirely different story though. Thank god I only gave her my heart, and kept my spine intact,’ I mused not so gently, begging for sleep, a relief from the waking nightmare and a journey into a nightmare that I can control.

Sleep wouldn’t come for a while. I had too many failures to relive. I had to reflect on how I haven’t hiked in two years, or seen my dad in seven months. I just laid there, covering myself in thin blankets breathing through a face hole.

Moments like those I almost miss the security of childhood, the security of knowing all the answers and having a mother for everything else.

Sleep was creeping in, weighting my eyebrows. I braced myself for what was to come. Would it be ticks on eyeballs? Would it be failing as a man? Would I lose everything?

I am pretty sure that night I was a monster.

Jewels

A vicious cycle it is,

Being broken

And breaking so many more.

I know their pain

And I don’t care.

You are the Graff pink,

While they are simple emeralds.

They’ll live

And find someone, someday,

Who will love green.

As for me,

I can only have you,

And I’ll throw infinite emeralds into the mud

Just to hold you,

If only for a moment longer.

IMG_0411

A poem for Georgia the cockatiel

A poem for Georgia the cockatiel

Days like today,
Remind me of the past.
Warmth of the cold
A love I hope will last.
You fear I will not answer,
Upon your fearful call.
I would simply die,
If I ever hurt you at all.
I would end others’ to protect yours.
I would die without you.
I fear for you as I fear for myself.
Daily, I fight to get over you.
You are stuck like a wrench in a cog.
My mind will always come back to you.
The fact that you called,
Shows me you feel the same.

Heylel

Heylel

A Dadaist concept
Of a ti-82
Floats behind my sclera.

The insomniac’s struggles
As evening approaches
Are overtaken by my autonomicals.

Dark comforts,
The birds take their jurist roles,
As I break and nap.

Waking minutes later
To the benzocaine burn
Of my freshly numbed cold sore.

I tap my feet,
Fantasizing in the surreal,
Wanting to create.

In this meditative state,
I realize the next step is coming,
And I must take its course.